Goodbyes
by 8cheshirekat
Summary: Jim/Jesse "I feared that if I pushed forward.... I would lose. I would lose everything. Even you."
1. Chapter 1: Disaster

(Jim/Jesse) He was found in an ally, beaten, bruised, bleeding, and raped. Letters written over the span of two years takes them back to his days as a duelist. His fall from grace. But they show the truth in his scared heart. But will the one he loves be able to mend the broken heart?

* * *

The cold air bit hard against his cheeks as he marched through the snow, trudging up his own path where grass had been nearly four months ago. It was hard to focus with all the snow, but he had managed it many times before.

His last performance had gone so beautifully. They loved him on that slick, cold surface. He always pulled off crazy stunts and people applauded him. They cheered for him, but not by his given name. They only knew his stage name.

"JESS!"

With a jolt he stopped and hopped off the wall where snow had been piled up. He turned around. His aqua eyes were always glazed over and his blue hair was starting to flake with snow.

Coming closer was a young man, maybe twenty or so, who was a brunet. By natural hair, his was light on the top and dark on the bottom. He had bright yellow-hazel eyes and smooth, ivory skin.

"Jess, we were gonna grab a drink. Wanna come with?" he asked in a cheery voice.

"Not really." He smiled, but his eyes showed no sign of happiness. This wasn't his fault, really....

"C'mon, please?!"

"N-no!" Jess pushed his friend back. "Look, I don't wanna go, Bruce."

"Aw, but you promised! Then tomorrow?"

Bruce knew what tomorrow was. "Umm...."

"Jess, it's one drink. I don't wanna go drunk." Bruce smiled and too Jess' hand. "Think of it like a pre-birthday gift." He smiled and leaned forward to kiss Jess' cheek.

By reaction, like he'd done for several years, he ducked and scooted around Bruce. "No. Today's okay. Um, just not tomorrow, please. I'd like to be alone."

Bruce crossed his arms and made a fish-face. "You really need a boyfriend."

"B-BRUCE!"

Greg had nudged Bruce pretty hard in the gut. He pulled Bruce back. Greg was a lean wall of muscles. He had green hair with yellow spikes. He always wore a pair of orange headphones on his head like a headband.

"Bruce, you know that boyfriends are a touchy subject with Jess! You know he's not fond of his.... preference. So stop bringing it up! Besides, your girl will kill you if she finds out." Greg gave a sly smile before he bounded over to Jess. "Let's just get a drink and go home."

Jess was looking up and not really paying attention. "No, that's okay. I'll just go home." He smiled again.

Three hours later, Bruce's phone rang a shrill tone as he stumbled out of the shower. He looked and was curious why the police were calling him. He dried his face and hands before answering.

"Hello?"

"Are you Bruce McNally?"

"Uh, yeah." Bruce put the towel down. "Am I in trouble, officer?"

"No, no trouble, but would you be willing to give us an identification on a person?"

It was twenty minutes to the hospital and then another five to actually get to the room. When Bruce turned the corner in the hall, he saw Greg crouching near a door that was open. He was covering his face and he was as still as a statue carved of colorful marble.

"Greg?"

He didn't move, but a man in the blue uniform of the police stepped out. He gestured for Bruce to follow him. Leading him into the room, Bruce stopped dead.

Lying on the bed was Jess. Tubes pumping oxygen, IV fluids, blood, and medications were wired all around him. Nurses were writing up notes on clipboards, taking EKGs, and drawing blood. It was Jess, and Bruce could see it was because he recognized the cloths.

Jess always wore black tees in summer and white long-sleeves in winter. His jeans always had holes near the knees and were always missing the back, left pocket. It was his tradition to be odd. But what gave it away was the necklace that was pinned to his chest by his own sweat.

A gold chain with a silver pendant. The silver was twisted and morphed into an elegant dragon and crocodile.

Greg and Bruce wore ones exactly like it.

"Is this Jesse Anderson?"

Bruce couldn't hold himself together and he slumped against the wall, his eyes wide. "J-Jess...." His eyes began to water. "Y-yes, o-officer, that's.... th-that's Jesse."

"Please step outside."

It seemed like a nightmare. Jess wasn't breathing on his own. He had blood all over his cloths and a knife wound on his side, right below his ribs. His heart was weak and needed constant supervision. Jess wasn't dead, but he wasn't alive. Bruce stumbled and collapsed beside Greg and that was when he saw Greg shaking slightly. He couldn't blame him.

Jess had become know as a friendly man. He'd never talk of the past, but always speak of the things that made him enjoy life. But he never spoke of the time he spent in school. It was an unspoken rule that Jess was a loyal friend, no matter what. But nobody ever knew why he was so loyal, nor why he was so touchy about lovers. He never said he'd had one, nor did he say he wanted one. But all the same, Jess brought about a change that made people believe they were great. It was an amazing gift to make people believe they were great.

But Jess had befriended Bruce and Greg because they were the only ones that saw his crying eyes. They loved to joke about being his boyfriend, just to get him to laugh.

Jess was a good friend, but now, his life hung in the balance. Just one more drop in the bucket, it would seem.


	2. Chapter 2: Friends?

---Jim---

He let his head touch the cool glass and closed his eye. When was the last time he'd been in such a cold place? He'd always been out in the heat, sweating away over the dig sites. He'd gotten a call that he was to come and see an old friend. But he couldn't think of any "old friends" that he didn't know about that he'd have to come and talk to....

"We're here, sir." The cab driver smiled as he turned back to Jim.

Jim was glad to get out of the musty car. He handed the guy a hundred dollar bill. "Keep the change." He stepped into the cold weather, welcoming it with open arms. He'd grown tired of his work. It was boring when all you had were interns. He had longed to turn back the clock and go back to his days at Central Academy. He wanted to go back to when it was amusing to play the games.

He heard the taxi drive off. Picking his duffel bag up once more, Jim stepped off the grass and up the steps. The hospital was elegant and decently decorated for the up-coming New Years. Jim went to a marble-topped desk and softly interrupted the lady behind the desk.

She was elderly, probably in her late fourties, early fifties. She flushed at the sight of Jim.

He'd grown a bit since Duel Academy. His features were more refined and his muscles showed. His tan made him like a walking relic right out of the movies. He dazzled people with a smile. But he didn't smile, just in case he'd give the poor woman a heart attack.

"Can you tell me a room number?"

She smiled. "Yes, of course. What's the last name?" She flicked her hands over the keyboard.

"Anderson." Jim stood there for a second, before he remembered that, in America, there were probably a thousand people named "Anderson", so, he revised. "Anderson Jesse."

"Yes, here he is." She gave a motherly smile. "He's in room 757. Elevators are behind you."

Jim gave a smile then and he saw her jump a bit. "Thank you, Monica." He'd seen her tag. He quickly walked around the corner to the elevators. As he waited, he leaned on the wall, covering his face. Despite wearing an eye-patch, he kind of tugged at his hair where the bandage used to weave through. He'd changed to an eye-patch so his interns didn't think he was badly injured.

After a quiet ride to the seventh floor, Jim stepped off and stopped. The signs pointed him the rest of the way.

The door was closed, so, being polite, Jim knocked. When the door creaked open, he saw two men standing in the room. The one with green and yellow hair was opening the door. He let Jim in and quietly closed the door behind him.

Jesse was lying on the bed, his eyes closed, and an oxygen tube around his nose. The IV was dripping and medicine was being mixed in. Jesse looked much like he had when he'd last talked to Jim.

The difference was on Jesse's face. On the left side of his face, facing to the ceiling, was a small, yellow streak. Just above his ear was a scar and there was a noticeable piece of Jesse's upper forehead above the left eyebrow had been torn away and hadn't healed properly. Somehow, Jesse still looked the same.

"Are you Jim?" asked the green-haired guy. He was wearing a dark shirt and a matching pair of jeans. He wore white boots with fur on the inside. He had the lean frame of an ice skater.

"Yes, who are you?"

"My name is Gregory Hamilton. This is Bruce McNally. We're Jess' friends."

"I'm an old friend." Jim let his bag fall into a chair and went to look at Jesse's face. '_So, you changed your name. No wonder I couldn't find you._'

Jim had taken to looking in on his friends once in a while. He'd found that Jaden, Aster, and Syrus were pro duelists. Zane was a school teacher. Atticus had gone into acting. Alexis was a singer/songwriter. Chazz, Tyrano, Axel, and Adrian had settled into normal lives and dropped off the face of popularity. Jim was still in the spotlight with his discovery of ancient dragons used for duels in Egypt.

Jesse, on the other hand, had dropped off the face of the earth almost two years prior to that moment. He'd spent no more than three months as a pro. Then he'd just vanished. People thought that, after his triumph over Yugi Moto, he'd just decided to quit. But Jesse's old persona wouldn't let that happen.

Jaden had asked if Jim had heard from Jesse. Pretty soon, nobody knew where Jesse had vanished off to. Jaden began to care less and less. Jim stayed vigilant that Jesse would turn up.

About a year and a half ago, an up-and-coming ice skater had appeared. He called himself Jess Hanson. He had a striking resemblance to Jesse Anderson and people began to speculate that it was him. But Jess never dueled and he didn't carry any cards.

Now, lying in front of Jim was "Jess Hanson" and "Jesse Anderson". The people he'd come to know from two different sides of the camera lense.

"Jess, huh? You didn't change much. You're still the same little devil I remember." He put his hand on Jesse's forehead. "You still give me a run for my money. Maybe you'll give me a heart attack and I'll be lying down. Either way, you've got new friends. No room for me, Jesse."

Jim picked up his bag and was tugged back from the door.

Greg looked at him hopefully. "Can you tell us?"

"Tell you what?"

Greg let go and looked at Jesse's motionless body. "He's already been here three weeks and nothing's changed. He's not woken and he's not really coming back." He swallowed and seemed to be choosing his words. "We don't know that much about Jess, you see, and you seem to know him.... so, could--"

"No." Jim interrupted him. "If he didn't tell you, he doesn't want you to know. That's just how he is." Jim's eyes grew cold when he looked upon Jesse again. "There were things he didn't tell me. Things I asked that he promised to answer. He's a real piece of work." His face softened, but his eyes were still hard. "But that's because some things are better left alone." Jim looked Greg in the eye. "You'll understand if you open that can of worms."

When he was out in the hall, Jim was stopped by an officer. "Are you Jim Cook?"

"Yes." Jim looked the woman up and down. '_This day just keeps getting worse, doesn't it?_' "Um, can I help you, ma'am?"

"Come with us. We'd like you to read something. It's probably the last testament Jess Hanson wrote."

Jim put a hand to his forehead, pressing his index and middle fingers hard into the center of his forehead. '_You're impossible sometimes, Jesse. Are you doing this to torture me or something? Because, to be honest, I'm starting to hate you more and more._' He finally looked her in the eye. "Very well, ma'am. Take me to this place and I'll read these letters." '_No harm, right?_'


	3. Chapter 3: Letter

Jim stepped on broken glass and jumped back a step.

The officers had left him at Jesse's house, running off to stop a shooting nearby.

Jim dusted away some fallen pieces of the ceiling and saw the old picture from two years back. Jesse still had that wonderful smile.

He propped it up again, right where he'd found it. It was odd that it was in the middle of a hallway to the bedrooms. But as Jim passed each room, he realized that, just because Jesse used to live in the house, didn't mean he was the only one.

Several rooms had lights on and the doors closed.

Jim finally found the room that was taped off. Jesse's room.

Pushing the tape aside, Jim entered the room and nearly stepped on a cat. It jumped and bolted out the door. Jim watched it go before turning on the lights. He saw a pile of letters on the floor, all addressed to Jim.

He plopped down on a clear spot and picked up two.

One was dated the day after the appearance of Hanson. Jim proceeded to put them in order of date, just so he could read from back to front, like a text book. He wanted to know what Jesse had to say to him that he either didn't want to say or couldn't say.

After that, Jim picked up the lamp and set it on the floor. The dust made little puffs of smoke as Jim moved about. Using an old cloth that was draped out the window, Jim cleared a spot for him to sit down. He had to see what they said and how it would help the officers.

He opened the first one.

It was short, kind, and missing a signature.

**Hey, Jim!  
It's Jesse, your old friend. A long time ago old friend, it seems.  
Isn't life funny when you're trying to get along with a waring world?! I certainly see it that way.  
Anyways! I'm just writing to see how you are and what you're up to. I've discovered that a part of me will never be able to duel, ever again. Maybe, some time, I'll tell you about it!  
Wishing you well,**

Jim folded it and set it aside. Leaning back, Jim opened the next letter.


	4. Chapter 4: Tearful

**Jim,  
It's a cold day for Autumn.  
I wanted to see you. I heard you had made a discovery. You found a dragon, a crimson dragon! I'm so happy that you did.  
Trust me, I wanted to come and celebrate with you, but family matters come first.  
Jim, I never told you, or anybody, but I live with just my dad and just my half-sister. I don't think it's important, but apparently the world does. I'm not sure how to tell you, Jim, really, I'm not. But my sister, oh, my dear little sister, she's caught a terrible fever! She's not getting better. But she likes to keep up with my friends, to see what's up with them.  
Jim, is it possible to ask that you never read these? I know I'll write more letters. But, could you not read them? Please?**

**Agh! Never mind, you'll read them, eventually.  
Does it ever bug you, Jim? That I never opened up like everyone else? That I hardly spoke to anyone but you? It bugged Axel, I know it did. He always told me to be more open.  
But I've learned, the hard way, that good people can turn vile and nasty. I mean, I couldn't fight off Yubel, back in that desert. Jim, I had a hard time getting away, but she's a tough person.  
Well, I guess, if you're reading this, then my heart will spill out eventually.  
In the meantime, I wish you could be here. I need a shoulder to cry on. My dad's not up to helping Alice and I've used the funds from my win against Yugi to help pay for it. Time's not on my side, and neither is my own heart. If worse comes to horrible, I want to know that Alice will be safe and that she'll know the friends I had, to _really_ know them.**

**Rambling is never a good idea.**

**Jess Hanson**

**_PS, is there any way you can scare the cat out of my room?_**

Jim put the letter back and looked at the front. That was the fourth letter. Nothing was popping out. Jim couldn't understand them. They spoke of his eyes not seeing things like they used to.

But something was different. Jesse's words were slowly becoming darker. There wasn't the image of a smile on Jesse's face that lingered on the first three letters. Now, about two weeks after the first three, this one was sad. But frustratingly questionable.

Jim thought about it and looked at the letter.

Who was "Alice"? Was it true that she'd had a fever? Or was it worse? Was Jesse lying? How in the world had Jesse changed?

Jim looked at the stack and then put the fourth letter to the side. He would keep reading until he got to the end.

---Jaden---

He burst into the hospital room and a smile broke across his face.

Jesse was sitting up and he was fiddling with a piece of paper, breaking it into a million little pieces. He didn't take notice of Jaden's presence. But, now that he was moving, the flowers and balloons and pretty stuffed toys seemed to overflow with something warm. Except where Jesse sat.

"Jesse! It's me! Jaden!" He flung himself at Jesse and held him close.

Right behind him was Aster. Aster saw it right away, what was happening to Jesse. He quickly nabbed Jaden away.

"Wha--?!"

Aster pointed. Jesse's eyes had changed. They weren't turquoise, they were yellow, and filled with rage.

"Jesse? What's wrong?"

"I hate you." Jesse put his bed back down and curled up. His eyes were shut again.

"Why? What did I do?" Jaden asked, pulling the sheet off of Jesse's shoulder.

Jesse's eyes snapped open. "What did you do wrong?!" Jesse grabbed Jaden's collar and started strangling him. "You took away Ruby! And Emerald! You took them all away! I can't see them! My eyes won't see them!"

Aster grabbed Jesse's wrist. "No, your heart can see them."

Jesse let go of Jaden and glared at Aster, his yellow eyes burning with frustration. "My heart could see them, until Yugi. Now, all I see is what really happens. I see life without the possibility of going back. I don't want to see this anymore." He closed his eyes and flopped back down. "But Jesse Anderson has died. I'm Jess Hanson now. So, leave _me_ out of Jess' troubles."

He closed his eyes and his breathing became uneven. He was sleeping.

Jaden touched the top of Jesse's head. "You're not Jesse.... you've changed.... why? Why did you change? You were like my best friend...."

Aster touched Jaden's shoulder. Jaden was crying. "Jaden, stop, please. It's okay. When he wakes up again, we can ask. But we need to be careful. If it's Jess, we're safe, but if it's Jesse, we may have a problem." Aster looked down and saw that tears were staining the blanket. Jess was crying. He poked his head out and tried to say something, but all that came out was sound. "Is something wrong? Say something."

Jess touched his neck and then the crown of his head. He couldn't speak, and something had happened. He curled up and started crying, quietly.

'_What happened, Jesse? Where did the playful smile and kind personality go? Did it die without us?_' Jaden wondered as he started to cry again.


	5. Chapter 5: Cousin

**Dear Jim,**

**Does that sound cheesy? To say "dear"? I'm starting to wonder.  
Hey, did you see my ice skating performance? I liked that routine. It took me back to Duel Academy. That was a good time in my life. Of course, everyone has a downfall. Maybe you'll never feel that downfall.  
But the thing is, Jim, I've been writing and writing and I never send you a letter. I don't know if you want to talk to me. It's been almost ten months since I last saw you. I graduate tomorrow. I wish to invite you, but my dad won't even show up. It's a special occasion, so, I wanted someone to be there. My sister's actually going to sneak out of the hospital to come and see. She's a sweetheart. You'd love her.**

**Beyond that, I've started to see that I've lost my way. I can't see how wonderful life can be. I just see a dark shadow looming over my head.  
There's so many things I wanted to ask you, to understand. A little part of me doesn't miss you. It just feels like I shouldn't care. I mean, nobody came when I needed them. But, hey, I've still got a new friend.**

**Ah, that's right! I forgot to tell you about Greg an his partner, James! Oh, they're sweet. James is a bit crazy about hockey, but they get along so well.  
They challenged me to a duel.  
How could I refuse? It's been ten months since I dueled with my whole heart into it. But I couldn't do it. My deck felt so.... no, never mind. You wouldn't know the feeling, even if I told you.  
Somethings never change about me, huh? I just keep on standing still. Hey, would you ever turn back and call out to me? Ah, maybe not.  
But I lost to James, so, Greg agreed not to duel me. Greg reminds me a lot of you. He's gentle, but strong. His lean frame hides a lot of muscle. His gentle heart hides a fury hotter than a fire. Greg's always so nice and hardly gets angry or bursts out.**

**I miss you.**

**Not that it matters to you.**

**A small part of me desperately wants you. A little corner of my heart isn't crying. Just a little corner. My heart's broken and I don't think you'll want to repair my shattered, twisted, menacing heart.  
I don't want you to see me like this! I want to hide away all my sins and darkness so you could love me. How impossible I am. You must be tired of me. If you've been reading my other ten letters, you'll know just how insane I've become.**

**Jim, I'm losing.**

**Jim.... come back. Let me hold your hand and show you my city. Let me show you this town. I want to show you what I see in this world. This city has been my home, even while I was at Central Academy. I want to show you my city.  
I want to show you my old friends.  
I want so much.**

**But that's selfish. What would you like to do, Jim? Would you like to see the city at night? Do you want to feel the rain? Would you like to just sit and talk while the day fades away? Do you want anything, Jim? Do you?**

Again, this letter wasn't signed. But there was a smudge at the bottom, like an attempt to sign it and then a failed attempt to wipe it away.

Jim's hands were starting to shake. Jesse's words were starting to cut. It was starting to feel very familiar. Jim looked at the date. That was one month before Shirley had died. He looked at the last part.

"Do I want anything?" Jim wondered aloud.

There was a little shuffle and his eyes snapped up.

A little girl, no older than two or three, was crawling around. She giggled when she saw Jim. That smile made Jim see Jesse, laughing and joking with Syrus, Tyrano, and Jaden.

"Hey, this isn't safe." Jim lifted the girl up. As he did, light fell upon her face. She had the same eyes as Jesse. "Wh...."

"Ah! I'm sorry! My sister's gone everywhere!" It was a young woman with jet back hair and the same eyes. Those aqua eyes stared back at Jim. "Oh, wow. You've gotta be Jesse's old friend, Jim! Hey, if you see any of his old friends from the 'Central', can you tell them to please get his letters out of that room? I know this is his apartment complex, but he's not really clean."

"Who...."

"Oh, cousins." She smiled. "I'm only twelve. This little one is three and a half." She took her sister. "Our mother is his father's older sister. I've got an older brother, if you wanna talk with him. He's about twenty-three now." She smiled before she skipped off with her sister and Jim watched them go.

"I want a second chance to get to know you well." Jim looked back and noticed that there were little stacks of letters that were tied with different colored strings. "I want to know what made you so happy all the time."


	6. Chapter 6: Beginning

**Jim!**

**I can't write much, but there's a map. If you can, would you take a walk down the city ways with me? I mapped it out. But you don't have to if you don't want to.**

**I can't write today because somethings wrong.**

**I'll try to tell you later, if I can.**

**Jesse**

**_PS, the map is probably still in the desk. There's a highlighted path. Please, take it at five in the morning. It'll be wonderful. I hope._**

Jim set it aside. He would look for the map later. That was letter twelve. Looking down, Jim saw just five left, not including the thirteenth he was holding.

**Jim,**

**I regret to inform you that my sister's died this morning. It's her death that's just driven me off the edge.**

**Why? Did I do something wrong? My father blames her death on me. I couldn't stop it, really, I couldn't. I watched her slip away.  
It was probably the only thing in my life that would alter how I feel. Jim, I won't stop anymore. I'll write to tell you who I am. I'll show you my little "drop of darkness" that Jaden gave me.**

**When I was ten, my sister finally came into my life. Little Allicon, Alice for short, was like an angel. She always had a joke to tell and always loved our father. I'm only half related to her, but she's still my sister.  
Alice was weak, having a disaster happen to her at the tender age of seven. It was a bike accident, but she'd landed herself with a cast and a crutch. A few days after the cast was removed, we were going to the amusement park. She loved the merry-go-rounds and the cotton candy and the clowns. I wanted to go just because it was her seventh birthday.  
We were on the merry-go-round when it happened. The power shut down in the wheel. My sister and I were stuck at the very top. We would be the last to be reached, but we were alone.**

**Our father and her mother were on the ground, screaming for us to get down.  
When they came to "rescue" us, I handed over Alice first. She was a precious thing. But when they tried to get me, they pulled not hard enough. I slipped and fell fifty feet straight into a booth.**

**For nearly a year, I was stuck in a coma. When I woke, I could see the Duel Monsters. At first I despised it. But I learned the names of all the monsters I dueled beside.  
But then my mother died. She died from a heart attack. I was torn. That left me with just a father and a step-mother. Alice didn't play in because she was already my best friend. She's all I relied upon. I told her everything.**

**When the days of the Academy came, I wanted to be as best as I could be.  
Then came the day I was sent to Central. I was so eager, I jumped ship and took our private jet to the island. I wanted to be there to see the school. I got lost several times. It was just hard for me to adjust to something so huge.  
Ah, then I met you.**

**They didn't like me because I'd gotten lost. I just held my breath and jumped right on in. Ah, then I thought it was a bad idea. I thought everyone was stuck up and rude. I was nervous I'd never make friends with anyone.  
Then you stepped forward.  
At first, I thought that you were just some guy trying to get a better look at the weirdo who held up the line. Then you held out your hand. Ah, that was a refreshing handshake after all the tension.  
So, I decided it'd be a nice thing to make friends.**

**Of course, Shirley freaked me out.**

**I still don't understand how you can carry Shirley! She's heavy.... I would know, I tried to lift her a few times.**

**But, like all good things, they don't last.**

**[Read the next letter, Jim. I don't want to make a big fuss....]  
**


	7. Chapter 7: Dying

Jim shuffled around and pressed his back to the wall. Something was changing. He looked at the last letter and his eyes widened. That date, it was....

"Shirley...."

Jim touched his chest. She'd died that day, by the hands of her own offspring. She'd died and Jim was there to see her off. Jesse had seen his sister off that morning, but that night, Jim had said goodbye to Shirley as she bled out.

"How ironic life is."

He opened letter fourteen.

**JIM!**

**If you've gotten this far, you're getting there.**

**But when we went to that world, the desert, and I stayed behind, I was lonely.  
There wasn't anyone to talk to. I didn't even have my monsters. They were all sealed away in the gap that was held open for you guys.  
I missed everyone and cried a lot.**

**But when I found that I wasn't alone, that Yubel was there, right there, I was scared. I ran away. I left so I could be alone. I wanted to run away so I wouldn't ever see Yubel again. She, or he, or it, was Jaden's friend.  
I was so scared.  
But one night, I saw a light. You guys fell from the sky. I was so happy to see you. I wanted to run to you. But Yubel caught me before then. She turned me into her living puppet. I struggled with her, but she found the piece of me that was dark.**

**The piece of me that loved you.**

**She forced me out, pushing me as hard as she could, and I landed myself in the Rainbow Dragon. I dreamed while I was there.**

**I saw you die. I saw your body turn to the thing Yubel called 'stardust' and I cried out.  
I watched Axel and Aster die. I watched Jaden become something otherworldly.  
And then I felt alone. As alone as I'd ever felt. I was so scared. I confined myself to dream about the better days. I dreamed of when we were all together. When we were all friends and nobody was better than the other.**

**It was then that I wanted to go back.**

**But I didn't. I couldn't.**

**I was never the same. I felt like I did after my encounter, while unconscious, with the Duel Spirits. Sometimes, I wonder now, if I should've gone back, like I did, to help Jaden fight Atticus and that Nightshroud.  
When I was back there, I went back to the place that reminded me of you.  
I went back to the beach where I was first lost. Where I first thought of meeting someone new at the Academy who was nice enough to understand that I was just human. It was there that I thought of you.**

**It was also in that place that I discovered something about me.**

**I discovered what had made me weak to Yubel. I discovered a love for a friend.**

**I thought it wasn't love, until now. I wanted to be just a person who could be relied upon.**

**I felt twisted. A part of me wanted you to be mine and mine alone.  
Nothing could change that. Nothing could change my need for you. But I pretended like it wasn't there. After all, you hadn't contacted me. What made now any different from then? You were too busy on your digs. You didn't have time to look for me.  
Did you?**

**I decided, on that beach, that this was all I could do.**

**I took my own heart and broke it myself. Why would anybody love a twisted, broken, beaten, and damaged heart? I mean, I was always happy because my sister and I had promised to smile for the friends we loved.  
I had to break that promise that day. I couldn't smile for anybody but her. She was the only one I could rely upon.  
I couldn't rely on anyone else, it seemed.**

**But a dark corner of my mind told me that I still had all my friends.  
Logically, I would've come to see you. But I didn't want to do it by my invitation. I called you, four times that day, on the beach. Not once did you answer the phone, and I decided I wouldn't rely on anyone.  
After all, the things I wanted were "impossibly out there for anyone, let alone a man like that".**

**Ah, but that's not the end.**

**I dueled Yugi Moto.  
I lost.  
And I revealed to myself the thing I'd been trying so hard to suppress.**

**My monsters were no longer there. My eyes were gone. My sight had died. I couldn't see the things that made dueling fun. There weren't any monsters there to talk to. To ask what would be good for them.  
I'd lost my sight to see them, Jim. I lost it.**

**I was too afraid to keep dueling.**


	8. Chapter 8: Lovely

**As you could probably guess, Jim, this is letter fifteen.**

**This is what happened to me between the time my sister first got sick and this month.**

**I was selected for the semi-finals of the ice skating world championships. I'd met Bruce the day before. He'd been at the hospital, demanding to see his mother in her hospital room.  
Because of my money, I was able to get Bruce to his mother's room.  
He became a good friend after that, because he bribed me to let my sister meet him. But the bribe was that I always be cheerful and friendly. I did, for a time, but I couldn't keep going.  
His girlfriend was a sweet thing.**

**Again, I was tortured by just how sweet she was and just how much I missed you.  
I felt the cold grow in my heart. A few times, I even touched the necklace I always wore. A dragon and a crocodile. The two things that reminded me of just how much I wanted you.**

**So, during the semi-finals, I went to the beat of a song that still breaks my heart. It's the song I thought of as a reminisce of old times.  
My sister watched it on TV with me that night.  
She was so happy I'd done so much in such a short time. I'd found something that was slightly dangerous, but kept me from spiraling out of control and taking drugs to ease the pain. I couldn't tell then, but when she got closer to death, I found that she, too, loved someone who would never come to see her.**

**Atticus.**

**She loved a young man who was magnificent. She spoke highly of him. Just like I spoke highly of you to her. She knew, the moment I told her about you, that it was _the_ Jim "Crocodile" Cook.  
Not that it changed her mind about just how nice you were.  
She died, never knowing that I wouldn't come back to you, no matter how many promises I make. I'll stay as far away as I can. I can't open my heart again. It's been severed from my body.**

**The thing is, I feared that if, just if, I met you again, I'd break down. I'd just let my whole heart come back to life, thumping away. I couldn't bring myself to think of it. It was going to end up kind of like a car crash at a hundred miles an hour.  
I'd fall to pieces and You'd just walk away, like I was never there. But I decided to stand strong. Even if I have to hold out.**

**I'm going to miss you, Jim. I'm not going to miss the times we had. I'm just going to miss that I never told you how things could've ended up.  
Then again, life will throw you out the door and onto the curb because it's time to stand on your own.  
I won't lean on you, Jim. I'll be my own person. Promise me this, Jim.**

**Promise that, should something happen to me, that I'd never lose to life. Even if you have to beat me up, just keep me from thinking life's worthless.  
It was something my cold heart won't understand. It's something I'm probably desperate for if you've started reading this.**

Jim noticed that the end of the letter had been torn away. It was the second page and it was torn in half. He could make out a few words from the first line, but he decided it was worthless to read the rest.

The last three letters would probably be just as dark and Jim noticed that it was three in the morning. He looked at the letter in his lap.

'_Let me hold your hand and show you my city._'

Jim got up, feeling his knees were sore from sitting down, and stretched. Looking around, he saw no desk, so, he decided to start looking through the stuff that was there, just in case.

It took him nearly an hour and a half, but he finally found a map. It was worn and, along the side, just under the legend, were names.

"Jaden - Follow the red course!" "Aster - Please, follow the green line." "Jim - Follow the yellow walk ways." "Salem, Zander, and Alex - Take the others and follow the black course."

There, below those, was another note.

"Don't stray from the course. You can stop, but don't go away. When you're done, put an X on the places you liked. Maybe I'll see those places with you again."

Jim picked up the map, folding it, and clicked the light off. It was going to take him a while to find something to write with. As he stepped towards the door, he decided to take the letters with him. He found no harm in following Jesse around. He would picture it in his mind, Jesse running ahead to the next turn and waiting for him.

It felt nice to pretend. It felt like there was something to be fancied. It was almost intoxicating to see Jesse waiting at the bottom of the stairs.

Jim followed the directions he was supposed to take.


	9. Chapter 9: Trip

Jim went to the first place that was a yellow circle.

Looking up, Jim was amazed. From the peak of the park, you could see the city. It was magnificent, all the glittering lights, the moving cars, the spot lights illuminating the sky. It was like a dream. Jim looked down and used a pen to mark an X beside the yellow circle. He loved this site. He could see and fell the world just melting away.

The sky was a beautiful hue of black fading to purple. It was so beautiful. It was almost like the artist's paint brush was coming across the sky and the ground, painting clear dots of lights and letting his work come to life. The noise of the city was gone and all the noise that was heard was the little swish of branches and leaves and grass.

He started back down, following Jesse. He pictured Jesse running down the hill half-way and then rolling the rest of the way. He tumbled to the bottom, laughing. He'd stand up, just then, and wave for Jim to hurry. He'd wait for Jim, and then he'd run ahead before Jim could touch him.

Jim had to shake himself, Jesse wasn't there. He was in the hospital, recovering from his beating....

As he walked, Jim passed the bakery, Jesse had circled it. Jim didn't feel like staying, so he kept going. He stopped at a cafe, just to look, and a few stores and some old house that reminded Jim of a first home.

And then, coming to the end of the trail, Jim thought he'd done it backwards.

Now, he stood before a building that looked only about two acres. He looked at the map. What was he supposed to do now? Jesse had hinted that he should be at the top before seven, right? Or was it five? Either way, Jesse seemed to have pointed to going up to something and seeing the city like he did.

"Hey! Oi! You!"

Jim turned around and stopped. Those eyes!

The man was wearing a dark brown cowboy hat, torn and dirty jeans, a white shirt with dust all over it, a pair of leather boots that matched his hat, and a silver belt buckle. His hair was a dark blue shade. He looked agitated with Jim.

"If yer gonna look, step back! Only students're allowed in there, bucko!" The accent....

"Uh, I just, um...." Jim looked at the map and quickly folded it. "Is this where Jesse Anderson can be found?"

The man looked startled and his eyes betrayed him. He was sad when he spoke next. "I'm the headmaster. My name is Mr. Anderson. Jesse is my son." He closed his eyes and gripped his hands into fists. "Jesse hasn't come back for two years. I don't know where he is!"

"Dad...."

The two men looked up to see Jesse. He was dressed in white. A white suite, white shoes, white shirt, and white hat. His face was swallowed by fatigue. He was obviously tired, but he still stood tall.

"Jesse!" Jim called. The map dropped from his hand. "Jesse, I just wanted...."

Jesse reached up and rubbed his left eye, staring down at them from the entrance steps. "Why're ya makin' such noise?" He closed his eyes and kept rubbing. "Doesn't matter, dad...." He stretched his hands up and yawned. "Dad, I need to be goin'. Ya gonna show me off?"

"No, just go." Mr. Anderson looked away as Jesse walked passed. Jesse was using a cane to walk and it was obvious something was wrong with his right leg. The reason it was in pain was unknown. "Jesse."

"Mm?" He stopped to look back. Sleep was evident.

"Please, take the car. Don't walk it."

Jesse laughed. A pure laughter that rang in the air and charged it with happiness. "I don't plan on walkin' it, dad. It's not like I'm aimin' ta take out my leg." He waved and waited at the curb.

Jim watched him leave and his heart sank into his boots. This wasn't what he was expecting. Jesse was out of the hospital? How long had he been...?

"Jesse was moved to the infirmary here at the Academy. It made it easy for him to get in and out of therapy if he stayed in a therapy area." The man smiled and it was obvious where Jesse got his good looks from. "Anyways, you must be here to see Jesse's little corner of the world. He sent a few others this way. They all marked this spot as their favorites. That's Jesse for ya. Leavin' his mark'n the world."

Jim looked at the map and, for the first time, noticed little X marks everywhere around the last point they came from. Jim also saw many more trails mapped out. None, however, took the same route as another. They crossed and paralleled each other, but none followed the same two roads more than a block. Jim took out his pen and marked the same X as the rest.

"Jesse loved the roof. Since you're here this early, you'll catch a glimps of the mountains to the east. They glitter 'n stuff." He lead Jim indoors.

The inside was magnificent and showed off American culture. There was a wall grafittied with students' names. Along another wall were plaques of honored students. Near the door were photos of the staff. The high entrance was so high they'd fit a twelve-foot, glass chandelier into it. The stairs were oak wood with red carpet. The rails were all cast-iron metal and spiralled along the stairs to upper floors.

It wasn't large, but it was able to accomidate a rank of students. They were all dressed with the aqua-blue vests that Jesse had worn and were all decorated in different fashions. Nearby, a group of girls were wearing yellow skirts and yellow ties that were accented by black, white, or yellow shirts. There was a variety of students, fashions, and uniforms. It was like they had free-reign to wear whatever was suitable. Jim wasn't used to that.

As they ascended the stairs, Jim heard a commotion ahead. Looking around the headmaster, he saw a brother's quarrel.

"Zander! Give it back! Now! I said to give it back!"

"C'mon, Salem. You know better than to say to just 'give it back' like that."

Zander was a tall, slender man. He wore the same blue vest, but it was longer and covered mid-thigh. It was decorated, around the collar, by pins of various kinds. Some were school related, others were, shockingly enough, from bands and famous duelists' marks. He had blond hair that was spiked back and eyes like chocolate.

Salem, the boy he was arguing with, was shorter by about two heads. He was a bit more child-like. His hair wasn't blond like his brothers, it was a light shade of brown. His eyes were hazel and he wore a yellow coat. Near the collar and around to the back were his decorations of being a good duelist.

Jim was instantly reminded of Zane and Syrus. They were just the same.

"When ya get the chance, take a good look 'round. You'll see the reason Jesse wanted to come here. He's got friends from all around this country. C'mon, roofs this way."

"R-roof?!" Jim stammered, following the headmaster. "Jesse wants to take me to the roof?!"

"Yes. It's his corner of the world. Take a look."


	10. Chapter 10: Sanctuary

Jim was struck by the wonderful view. It was mountains to the east, city to the north and south, and clear open plains to the west. There were no sounds of the city's bustling crowd, nor the sounds of nature. It was quiet, and peaceful.

He stumbled and sat down right near the door. Had Jesse really been here?

Jim's mind suddenly pictured Jesse leaning on the rail, laughing and listening to silence. Jesse wasn't dressed in his uniform, he was dressed in that white suit and the hat was on his head. He slowly turned to Jim.

"Here. Jesse loved this spot. It's the outskirts o' town." Mr. Anderson leaned on the rail. "I hadn't discovered this spot 'til that Jaden kid came. He asked fer the place Jess escaped to."

Jim looked out and saw the sprawling outskirts. They were magnificent and held the sun's first rays like a jar of fueled happiness. The yellows and oranges and purples and blues filled the fields and shed rainbows across each other. The smell of fresh air whipped at Jim's face and he closed his eyes. Despite the cold, the snow, and the possibility of freezing, Jim wanted to stay there, never to move again. Had Jesse really stood here and listened to his own thoughts? Had he really found a way out of his despair this way?

"Jesse wrote letters up here all the time." Jesse's father looked sad. "Up 'til he got back from Central." He looked up at the clear sky as the wind died. "Jesse wrote letters to people he'd never mailed 'em to. He wanted nothin' more 'n to disapear from their lives. He loved watchin' 'em find their own light." He smiled at Jim. "Jess was a great guy to be friends with. A lot of his friends come up here ta tell him how the weather's doin'. Maybe you can tell him."

Jim nodded and watched the father leave. When the door clicked shut, Jim found a chair. As he was dusting snow off with his bare hands, he felt something hard and plastic under the snow. The chair was plastic, was it that?

No, it was a small container that held letters. They were all addressed to Jesse.

Jim slowly opened the lid and saw one last blank letter. The envelope was yellow, like his trail on the map. Were these from the very people that had come here?

Jim put the box in his lap when he sat down and he pulled out the last three letters. He opened the oldest and let the snow-frozen fingers of his thaw a bit as he read.

**Hey,**

**Knowing you, you probably are reading this on the roof. Heh, you weren't supposed to.  
Jerk!**

**The others read theirs at my old apartment. That's what you were supposed to do.  
Doesn't matter. Isn't the sunrise just magnificent? I used to stand right in front of that chair you're sitting in and just watch the world do it's own thing. It was my little sanctuary. It's peaceful.  
If you flip this little notice over, you'll see what I mean by "my little sanctuary."**

**G'day!**

Jim flipped it over and his eyes started to tear. It was Jesse, alright. He was wearing ice skates and was dressed in a resemblance to Jim. He even had the hat. But his eyes were cold and both were shown. It was almost like another Jesse all together.

He was, however, standing right in front of the chair and the snow wasn't there. It was spring, with cherry blossoms falling all around him. He looked just as plain as he always did.

Jim swallowed the frog in his throat and opened the next letter....


	11. Chapter 11: Scared

**Seeing as you're there, this letter will be the last.**

**Jim, you've seen my world. Show me yours. Show me what you see, what makes you defiant of life itself.**

**But before then, let me tell you a secret. That chair isn't mine. I never sit in that chair.  
Well, more like I _can't_ sit in that chair. There's a blade under that chair. I've used it to take my life once before. I sliced through my neck to try and follow my sister to the underworld. I mean, that's where I'm going, isn't it?  
But that blade wasn't sharp enough and I didn't bleed like I wanted to. Come, let me show you just how dark I am.**

Jim had to stop and read the paragraph again. This chair wasn't Jesse's? Something grounded Jim to the chair just then. Was this a bad idea? He shook it off and kept reading.

**A few days ago, I took the blade and stabbed my left foot with it, just to feel like life was worth-while after all. That blade isn't mine either.  
What is mine is the box. In the box, I stored my writing tools to write these letters to you. Exactly one year before you got there. Today is a very important day for you to be sitting there. At the end, look up, see the sky, and tell me just what you see.**

**When this tour is over, this sanctuary of mine will be no more.  
This sanctuary isn't mine now. It's ours. All of ours. You and many others.  
I wanted, just for a little bit, to be close to all of you. But you were my reasons. You laughed once upon a time. When I saw photos of you from your digs, you weren't happy anymore. There wasn't anything that made you happy anymore. I thought, just maybe seeing you would be a good idea.  
It wasn't.**

**I came to visit you at your dig site. You turned me away because you thought I was just a reporter trying to get in your way.**

**I came home and came right here. But, like I said, the chair isn't mine. The chair is my father's. At the time, he was mad to have caught me in the chair and he would make me stand across from it while he scolded me. He would take out his blade and knick my finger so it bled. It wasn't bad, it was just enough to make me jump, and he'd leave it at that.  
I still don't sit in that chair.  
Lucky you gets to sit in the chair. But I'm standing across from you, one year ago. I know the date says otherwise, but I dated these so you'd read them in a specific order.**

**Yes, that means my sister's been dead nearly three years now.  
Jim, look up! Look up now! Look at the sky! Isn't it lovely?**

Jim did look up. Snow was shimmering down. It was like glitter. As it fell, the sun hit it and it was like little crystal shards falling around him. It was beautiful. Looking out, across to the outskirts, Jim saw a beautiful scene.

The outskirts were shimmering with life. A group of children were practice dueling and another was playing tag. Elderly people were walking and taking in the children's playtime with their stride. Near the houses, younger kids and older teens were helping with chores and constantly yelling to siblings. Parents were laughing at the children.

It was like a humble place.

Jim looked back at the letter.

**We call ourselves the "Satellite" because here, we're different from the rest of the world. We're not rich, but we're not poor.  
We have each and every one of our friends, family, and neighbors to rely on. Except me.**

**Because I'm a famous duelist, they don't want me back on the streets. They think I should be in Domino City, dueling Yugi for his title of King of Games.  
Jim, those kids, they're just who I want to be. A child all over again.  
Too bad you can't stand beside me and watch the world. I'd probably scare you, Jim. I want to hold your hand and just stand there. I know that I can't anymore, but I'd love to just stand beside you.**

**Jim....**

**I actually am scared of the future.  
I feared it all. Everything, even taking the next step towards the future.  
I feared that if I pushed forward.... I would lose.**

**I would lose everything.**

**Even you.**

The letter cut off again. This time, the rest of the words were smudged out. Like Jesse had changed his mind and scribbled out everything. Jim, desperate to know, opened the last letter.

He wanted to know what Jesse was trying to say.


	12. Chapter 12: Jaden

**Jim....**

**My official goodbyes.**

**This world can't hold me anymore. My mind is slipping.**

**This is my last testament to you, as both a friend and someone who loved you.  
Still loves you, actually.**

**My heart is cold, true, but it's because I want to be perfect. There's a way of being perfect enough to make someone happy.  
Did you know Jaden was like that, once upon a time? Even the happiest people die.  
Maybe, once upon a time, I'll remember it, I was happy.**

**It's funny, but if you look around you, there's a plastic box. These are letters from everyone who's been here. Read one. See what they say about me. I've read them all a million times.  
My feelings for you won't die, but they're equal to someone else.  
Look, take a random letter, read it.**

**When you're done, write me a letter. Tell me how you feel about this. Tell me who you think I am. Tell me, Jim. My heart won't die until you make it die.**

**Farewell, Jim. Goodbyes are hard, but it's not the last goodbye you'll get from me. Go on, pick up the pen, tell me.**

**Jesse "Hanson"**

**_PS, fortune shines only on you when you finally fall in love._**

Jim sighed. It wasn't as dark as he'd thought. Something about it made Jim feel lighter.

He opened the box and decided to take out the red envelope. Jaden's untidy scrawl etched out his best friend's name.

"Jesse,  
I don't know if you're aware, but you're a jerk! That was mean!  
You're okay, right? You were always okay. I've fallen for that personality that changes with the times.  
Maybe you're just a little silly for saying so.

"If someone else reads my letter, I don't care! Because it's cute that you're still you. I don't care if you think you're cold and undeserving. I don't care that you've lost your sister. I still think you have a world of friends out there waiting for you.  
Jesse, while we were at Duel Academy, I hadn't the guts to say it, but I love you. Not for your silly laughter or funny jokes or personality. I loved you for all the ways you found to be you. You're just who you want to be.  
I think your just where you want to be. I don't care that you love Jim, either. He and I are one in the same.

"ACK! Jim! You're probably reading this!  
Oh, who cares. I think it's nice that Jesse loves you. I'm actually jealous of you. Since I'm the second to the last, I know when you'll get here. Jesse told me.  
This afternoon, at two-thirty, come down from the Academy and head west, along my route. You'll find my other X. We'll all meet you there!

"But, Jesse, I want to smother you in _**my**_ love. Never mind Jim's! I want to hug you and kiss you and hold your hand and go to dinner with you! Lucky Jim get's all your love.  
I'M SO JEALOUS OF YOU, JIM!  
Oh, and Zander, you're mean. Yes, I read your letter, Zander! Jesse's not a stuck up brat who thinks it's a good idea to make you run a loop 'round town!  
Besides, _you_ didn't know Jesse was raped and beaten four months ago!

"Oh, that came out too wrong....

"JA NE!  
Jaden Yuki

"_PS, If the world turns sideways, just lie down. It's okay. Sideways is better than upside-down._"

Jim covered his eyes and laughter struck him. That was Jaden. Jaden was always like that. He was always making Jesse the good angel.

Jim picked out his pen and started to write as the snow drifted down. He was determined to let Jesse know the truth.


	13. Chapter 13: The End of a Nightmare

**A/N:** three things....

1.) "Better Days" is copyright to Goo Goo Dolls. I suggest you play the song for a bit and you'll understand why I picked it....  
2.) the glittering snow came from a series called "Diamond Dust".... or that's where the idea came from  
3.) I DO SUPPORT SPIRITSHIPPING! but i do like jim/jesse, too.... after all, it was jim, of the three from other academies, that held out a hand to introduce himself to "Mr. Late"....

* * *

The clock was striking three and Jaden was leaned against the fence. He hadn't really expected Jesse to show up today. After all, Jesse had said he hated Jaden for not being able to see Ruby again.

It still stung.

Jaden decided to go to the ice rink that Jesse had always been found at.

When he pushed the doors open, music filled the air.

"And it's some place simple where we could live,  
And something only you could give,  
And that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive...."

Jaden looked down.

Jesse was airborne. His arms were making a graceful spiral around his body. His legs were twisting together. As he landed, his leg swung out and his arms broke free of their spiral. He was sliding backwards, his eyes closed. As he neared the wall, he jumped and skidded around. His blade touched the wall and he kicked off. As Jesse was sliding back again, he put his hands over his head and he began to spin. Slowly, at first, and then faster and faster. His hands were hypnotic as they came down his body and finally came down to his sides.

He broke free, splashing ice everywhere as he skidded off. He looked like he was running. He made a sudden stop and did side-steps until he was mid-ice. He put his hands out and kicked off the ice. He was making an oblong spin. His head neared the ice several times before his toe jammed into the ice and his hands were spread again. He was like a magnificent bird.

Jesse then proceeded to spin again. This time, he ducked low, his right leg tucked under him and his left spiraling dangerously away from his body. His hands were slowly moving up and down above his head. He was so graceful!

But then, the green-and-yellow-haired Greg grabbed the blade of Jesse's now straight leg. He was being spun on the outside. His own blades making an arch. They weren't moving from center ice. Suddenly, Greg stood up, pulling Jesse's foot up with him. The two of them were now spinning faster.

Jesse's torso and other leg were parallel to the ground and his body was stream-lined. He kept spinning until he jumped and Greg released him. The jump landed him a side-ways spin and he landed back into that crouching spin. After a second or two, he was standing and his momentum was slowing. He was breathing hard.

"Jess!" Jaden called, coming down the steps to the side of the rink.

Jesse just kept standing there. His black pants and skates were slightly white from all the dusty ice he'd kicked up. His white sweater stood out a bit. His hair, being quite long, was tied back in a ponytail and he just caught his breath. The soft, glittering mist that was escaping his mouth looked much colder. His face was flushed.

At first, Jaden thought Jesse was still mad and was upset, but all of a sudden, Jesse collapsed, laughing as he slid across the ice.

"Jess!"

"I-I'm okay." Jesse was laughing so much that he was crying and had to lie on the ice. "I fell."

Greg and Bruce stood side-by-side, shock obvious on their faces. "Jess?"

"N-no, I-I'm not okay." Jesse was rubbing his right hip. "I hit the ice to hard on that last jump. Ow." He finally got up and dusted off his pants. "Ugh. What do you want, Jaden?"

"Are you coming to the amusment park? You said you'd come."

Jesse looked at Bruce and then shrugged. "I've got to practice."

"Then we'll watch."

Jaden knew that voice and he turned around.

Despite them all wearing thick, heavy coats, they all looked the same. Atticus and Alexis wore matching white trench coats that reached their knees. Zane was being pushed in a wheelchair by Syrus, both wearing black, heavy coats. Tyrano, Axel, and Adrian wer all wearing dark brown coats and looked like they'd rather be in Hawai'i than in the middle of the Great Plains. Aster was wearing his usual gray, but it was a fur-lined coat.

Jesse had an idea. "Hey! Greg! Replay the last song!" Jesse smiled, but he seemed at a loss.

Jaden knew who Jesse was looking for and his heart sank so low, he thought he'd never get it back. "Jesse, want me to join you on the ice?"

Jesse suddenly jumped. "Jaden!"

"What?!" Jaden asked, jumping back a bit. "Wh-what's.... um, eh?!"

Jesse grabbed Jaden's arm. "C'mon, I'll skate with you for a bit." He smiled. "I can crush on you, can't I?"

Jaden stumbled. "n-nani?!"

Jesse laughed and got Jaden a pair of skates. "Just keep nearby, I won't let you fall." Jesse gave Jaden a quick hug before he jumped _over_ the _door_ and slid out. The ice looked a lot colder when Jaden was actually _on_ the ice. "Jaden! Stop it! You'll fall!" Jesse's body slammed into Jaden, knocking him away from the wall.

Just then, Jim walked in. He'd obviously been running, because he was out of breath and his cheeks and nose were red. He spotted Jesse and was glad he'd been right about the rink. He tossed on his custom skates and joined Jesse and Jaden. Jaden was having trouble standing up and Jim couldn't do the fancy tricks Jesse could, so, they were taking Jesse's lead.

Pretty soon, they had a snake of people going. Jesse looked back and smiled at both his crushes. They were laughing and trying to stay up-right.

---

Seven miles away, Jesse's father sat in the chair and put his feet up, on the rail. He looked at the short note Jim had written.

**Jesse,**

**Even if I can't be here, physically, I still want to be near you. You're everything to somebody. It may not end up being me, but I hope that it will be.  
I love you too, Jess. But I don't mind sharing you....  
AFTER I get your first kiss....**

He smiled broadly.

"You're quite the lover-boy, aren't you, Jess?"

He flicked on the radio.

"And you ask me what I want this year,  
And I try to make this kind and clear,  
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days,  
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings,  
And desire and love and empty things,  
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days...."


End file.
